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Friday, December 12, 2025Faith

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The common good is served when dialogue respects the dignity of the other and the fundamental connection between us, even when we disagree.

Archbishop Richard G.
Henning

Years ago, while participating in a marriage preparation program, I heard a talk by a couple who had a long and consistently loving marriage. They spoke about the importance of communication in a healthy marriage. One technique they shared has remained with me all these years. They admitted that, like all couples, they had many arguments over the years. When arguing, they made sure to remain in close proximity with one another. In fact, they sometimes had their disagreement while holding hands. They found that when they avoided the temptation to turn away or move away, they managed to navigate the challenge of disagreement while maintaining their bonds of affection. They admitted that it is difficult to remain angry or say harsh words when you are up close and personal, and that the arguments tended to find resolution in a single conversation. In this way, they also avoided the kinds of resentments that can fester when apart.

It struck me then that the approach of this couple was instinctively suitable to the nature of a sacramental marriage and in the life of the Church. The reality of the Church is itself a nuptial mystery. Christ offers Himself freely and completely for our salvation. He also unites Himself to the family of faith that He establishes as the Bridegroom. He brings us into communion with Himself and, in so doing, brings us into communion with one another in the Church. A well-lived sacramental marriage points to this same mystery as it is experienced in the Eucharist. "This is my body ... given for you" is both the truth of the Lord's sacrifice and the call of marriage. The married couple give themselves freely and completely to one another out of love. They do not act for selfish reasons but seek the good of the other. They do not place conditions or limits but strive to trust and to entrust themselves to one another as Christ gives Himself to the Church. Thus, even when the circumstances of life get in the way of the marriage bond, the couple must engage in a way that expresses this fundamental call to communion in the Lord and with one another. Hence, my friends hold hands and remain connected even when in an argument.
Lately, I have been thinking about the power of a good marriage and the challenge of arguments within the life of the Church. Our culture has some very significant flaws when it comes to communication. The nature of modern media distances us from others in so many ways. It is unsurprising that people find it easier to ignore or dismiss those with whom they disagree. Human presence and warmth are not as compelling by electronic means. The rise of these more distant means of communication does not fully explain the poisonous nature of contemporary debate, but they certainly contribute to the divisiveness of the age.
I do not mean to suggest that there should not be disagreement, even passionate disagreement, in society. There are important matters on which people disagree, and there is a wisdom in taking the risk of debate. On the other hand, debate does not mean waiting for the other person to stop speaking so that we can repeat our point. The common good is served when dialogue respects the dignity of the other and the fundamental connection between us, even when we disagree.
This truth is even more pronounced in the life of the Church. We are a communion, not a polity. As a family of faith, we cannot engage in that easy temptation to give up on the other. Our discussions and debates are with those who are bound to us in faith by the grace of the Lord Jesus. In other words, we might disagree, but not every means or strategy for debate belongs in the communion of the Church. The truth of who we are as a Church requires of us prudence, charity, and the commitment to hold others as brothers and sisters rather than rivals or enemies.
The season of Advent summons us to open our hearts to the Lord's grace and mercy. May that mercy be for us, in us, and expressed beyond us in all of our interactions with one another. May the communion of the Church be strong.

- Archbishop Richard G. Henning is the Archbishop of Boston